Whoops, I did it again: met a man who lives in another city, too far away. I did not mean for it to happen; we met, we started talking, and things escalated to planning a visit. And then I panicked. I don’t want another long distance relationship, ever. I want somebody here, and real. I want everyday, ordinary…because I have come to learn that it’s in those simple moments where the magic lives. The magic lies in the mundane.
My last relationship knocked my socks off. He was exciting, and I wanted to be with him all the time. And, the time in between the times we were together almost crushed me.
I think that perhaps I have been disingenuous in some ways, giving the impression that being single is exciting, full of wonderful adventures and wide open possibilities. So often, friends have confided about their marriages, about how they’re boring, and the connection that was once strong is now hanging on by a thread. And every time, I give the same advice: you still have a thread. That’s everything. Fix the rest. Try. Just, try.
When I first got divorced, I had great plans. So much romance, right around the corner! But that’s not the way it is. The parts I tend not to share are the parts that many people find difficult to hear: the loneliness, the challenge of co-parenting with an ex-spouse, the financial worries. The constant nagging suspicion, usually quiet but never quite gone, that there is a very real possibility that I may not find this perfect match, the man who, I was so sure five years ago, was just aound the corner. And you know, it’s true, I won’t. Because I have changed, what I want has changed, and I no longer want perfect; I want messy, and imperfect, and mundane. I want challenging and supportive, funny and earnest, crazy smart and very silly, and mostly, I want kind. I want a man who is my friend first, to make out with pretty much always. And I want quiet Sunday afternoons at home, eating bagged salads and going to bed early. I want help making the bed, and someone else to poke the fire when it dies down, a lover to make a extra cup of coffee for and read cookbooks with. Yes, these past few years have offered incredible adventures, and I have had my share of romance. I have learned, and my heart has been opened and also squished, and I would not trade a moment. We are the sum total of our experiences, and my experiences have lead me here: to finally see the gifts offered by the ordinary.
